Midnight Impulse

learning experiences and impulsive decisions


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Bad Books, Great Books

I finally started reading books again!  For the past few months I’ve been reading Fifty Shades of Grey (I know, I know) which, obviously, you can’t read in public because then they’ll take a picture of you and post it on the internet, I read what I could during the very few hours I spend alone in my room.  By the time I finally finished, my Advanced Placement Writing class was overwhelming since I was so behind, so I didn’t have time to read.

Today, I’m proud to say that I finally bought John Green’s Looking for Alaska.  I’ve already read through 20% of it, and I’m not yet fully sure where the book is headed, since I’ve made it into a habit to not read book summaries.  They do a terrible job of presenting a book, and in the case of The Hunger Games and Hamlet, the back cover summary gave away the events that occur up till chapter 4, and in Hamlet‘s case up until half way through the play.

I can honestly say I’m thoroughly enjoying the book so far, it’s very entertaining and humourous.  It is giving me the same vibe I got from the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower,  and I absolutely loved that movie (I’d like to soon read the book as well.)  

 

Anyway, off to reading some more in bed, goodnight ❤

Adelaide


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And Finalization

Following on yesterday’s post, I’d just like to say how great it feels to finish something and turn it in.  My literature essay has finally stopped gnawing at my conscience!  I’m currently sitting in the school computer lab after writing the essay in a mere 2 and a half hours and having finished my math homework, listening to Ed Sheeran’s “Give Me Love.”  (excellent song I just found).

Time for class.

Cheers,

Adelaide


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Procrastination and Motivation

The above title states my vice and my virtue.  Sadly, one does not work without the other.  Procrastination seems to be a horrible habit I developed after my grandmother stopped helping me with my homework, threatening with her usual line, “You will become a trash collector if you don’t study well!”  After I stopped having a nervous fit of crying, I sat down and finished my homework.  Back then, I was pretty good in school.  Then again, this was in 1st and 2nd grade.

These days, I am just not at all motivated to get anything done, or to get off the internet for that matter.  I procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate until my time runs out and I, habitually, have my little nervous I-can’t-do-this-so-I’ll-just-cry-awhile fit, and then get down to doing my work.  Eventually, I DO get things done on time, except I never learn from my mistakes and try to schedule my time better next time.

Now, onto motivation.  Motivation is something I rarely have, but when I do have it, boy, do I get things DONE.  Yesterday, I was motivated to be active once more on my online blogs, thus the three entries yesterday, the 5 photos uploaded onto my flickr, and my posting of a fanfiction on a website.  Another negative to my motivation: I only continue to do something when I see results.  I must lose weight to continue losing weight and I must see comments and likes to continue posting.  This is a horrible cycle that’s very hard to start in the first place, so I really hope none of you are also stuck in it.

Now, onto reading chapter summaries of Moby Dick, cuz I ain’t readin’ that shit.

Lazily yours,

Adelaide


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Waiting

I’ve totally been waiting for this guy that I recently met to add me on one of my social networks.  We met Sunday and talked and sat with one another for a large chunk of the night.  When I left, he told me he’ll find me.  He left the country a day or so ago, I think.

I’ve been obsessing about hearing from him for the third night so far, I guess I have a bit of a crush?  At first I was really excited about the prospect of him adding me, but now I’m wavering and thinking that maybe he won’t.  *Sigh*.  Sad part is, I can’t add him myself because I forgot his name (DON’T JUDGE ME.  It was foreign and I’ve never heard it before, and every time he said it it was real loud.)  

I dreamt about him several times the night I met him, which is quite unusual for me.  My dreams are kind of rare and don’t tend to focus on people I know, or just met for that matter.

 

Gonna go obsess more now.

Adelaide


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Bitter Jealousy

I recently came across this article and decided to go ahead and write down the steps that led to the finding the source of my problems.  The author basically tells you to write down all the things you need to change about yourself and to assess what the root of all these problems are.  I had 8 items on my list, and 7 of those were due to lack of motivation and pure laziness.  

The second problem on the list that I needed to change about myself is the fact that I’m a very bitter, jealous person on the inside.  I criticize other girls: how they dress, how they look, how they behave, … you get the picture.  It’s such a horrible thing of me to do.  I’m nowhere near perfect.  I’m not fit enough to judge their recent weight gain over the summer.  I don’t have perfect skin to comment on another girl’s cellulite legs (SO hypocritical, I’ve got it myself), and I’m definitely no judge of how two-faced or gossip-y they are.

This list that I created forced me to face the root of this bitterness, and I realized I’ve been suppressing it for years within myself.  I’m jealous of these other girls.  Very, very jealous.

I realized that I don’t hate them because of the things they do, I hate them for having it so seemingly easy.  What I would give to be that skinny, or be the one kissed by the popular guy at that one party, or to be the one to actually GET the guy that I had a crush on for so long.  

I’m going to work on improving myself: body-wise, self image-wise, motivation-wise, and definitely controlling my jealously and understanding that I don’t look like on the outside what I feel like on the inside.  By this, of course, I mean the shallow thought, “I’m not skinny enough to be that bitchy.”  

 

Deep inner thought shit right there.

Adelaide


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You Deserve Better

There’s a girl who’s a year younger than I am, and in the past two years she’s managed to make quite a reputation for herself amongst her male classmates.  She’s known for being promiscuous and, being a small community, the entire student body manages to find out about her not-so-discreet acts within a few hours.  She’s also established the fact that she is not the most honest person, and tends to exaggerate or even lie to get some attention.

Last year, her “friends” didn’t speak to her for 6 months for something that she did, while MY best friend spent time with her and made sure she had a friend to be with on some weekends.  However, once this girl got back with her friends, she stopped even greeting my best friend and denied all relation to her.  That year, I hated her.

This year, however, I feel sorry for her.

Through her lies, disrespect, stupidity and ungratefulness, I of all people, feel she deserves better.  I think she deserves to be treated better by boys, and I think her friends are not supportive of her.  I wish she could just see that she IS a beautiful young woman who would be able to get any boy she wants, IF she stopped acting and dressing like a slut.  I wish she would start respecting herself and stop allowing boys to use her as a sexual object, because she’s worth more than that.

 

Just my thoughts about a girl I feel too weird to tell this to her face.

Here’s to Italia.

xx,

Adelaide