School started this week on Tuesday. Things went alright and easy. The girls I hate (the shallow fake ones. They’re always the type I hate) aren’t back in school yet, so that made things easier. I’m happy with myself for deciding to sit with a different group of people during recess and lunch time, it’s making me feel more at ease. The previous group of people I sat with are thoroughly obsessed with a “band” named 1 Direction (for your sake, I hope you never hear them) and are unable to talk about much more. Well ok no, that’s not fully true. There are four of these obsessed girls, but two of them have just found out about the band this year and there is nothing that comes out of their loud mouths that isn’t related to the band.
It drives me insane. And frankly, for a long time now I’ve been feeling quite left out, especially by the majorly-obsessed girls. I used to be closer with them, but then things happened and I frankly no longer feel like having anything to do with them. I realise how harsh this all sounds, but the problems weren’t minor little things. I would feel angry at them for purposefully leaving me out, and I would feel angry at myself for forgiving one of them when I really shouldn’t have. I think it’s much healthier for me to not dwell on how things turned out, or try to fix things, or try to include myself. Rather, it’s best to separate myself from them altogether. Being around these people makes me feel like absolute shit. For several weeks I’d walk home alone (even though we all live on the same block …) feeling so ridiculously upset.
Obviously, after a certain point, you just can’t turn things around anymore. And even if I did, I’ll be holding several grudges till kindgom come. I sitting down with kids a couple of years younger than me, but I think that’s been a tradition that I must fulfill. My best friend is two years older than I am and she also had a friend in high school that was two years older than her. It’s nice to feel … content, for once 🙂
My first week back to school has been alright. I feel happier about the second half of the school year already. Although it is the opposite of what I should be feeling, I am currently a lot less stressed out and I don’t feel as left out as I used to, and I’m definitely not as angry as I was the last couple of months.
I hope you all have a wonderful second half of the year!