Midnight Impulse

learning experiences and impulsive decisions

Unwanted Memories

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In the past several months I’ve been able to repress several memories of experiences I’ve had in the beginning of 2012.  They weren’t anything too horrible, but they were incidents that made me really upset over things.  Lately though, I’ve been for some reason remembering and reliving all these moments, and they’re really bringing me down.  At night, I lie in bed trying to fall asleep, but then I remember this or that thing, and all it takes is one single memory, a single spark, to make all the rest of the negative experiences and the negative feelings come crashing down.  Even worse than remembering them is wondering what other people were thinking about the whole situation, about me.  I know it’s silly and hypocritical for me to worry about this, but I lie there wondering who laughed at me for doing something stupid, or who talked bad about me regarding these particular things.  I find this all so terrible because I seem to have no problem talking poorly about others.  I figure if I have insecurities about others talking about me, then perhaps I should either get over it or not speak badly about others.  The latter, obviously, is the more positive thing to do.  

I know that a lot of other people probably do this, think about all the humiliating/idiotic things they’ve done/said, but does anybody have any advice on how to suppress these feelings, at least just a little bit?  I’m trying to look at them as just experiences that I would have to go through eventually, like learning experiences.  But I just can’t help feeling embarrassed.  

Thanks in advice for any feedback you have to offer.

xx Adelaide

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Author: Adelaide Martin

18 year old international student's transition into college life on a new continent.

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