I’m starting to find very little point in attending school. Honestly, high school is just too damn long and boring. Since the 7th grade, I only skipped school a maximum of 3 days a year. It’s barely half way through the school year and I’ve already been absent about 10 times, and I’ve gone home halfway through the day several times besides those 10 days. I go to school in the morning, and halfway through I realize how pointless the day is. We literally do nothing everyday.
I have to be in school at 8:15, but my first class doesn’t actually start till 11:15, so for three hours I sit in the library doing work during my “study periods,” except I rarely ever get much done. Chemistry is a drag, but I need the teacher to explain things to me, and same goes for Algebra 2. American History is a bore and all we do is sit and listen to a summary of the section. We always have class discussions during American Literature, but the homework is the same everyday: read the story, answer questions #1-8. I’m the only student in a Journalism/Media class, but that one is also a bore since all I do is gather news for the school newsletter (as if anything is actually going on) and work on templates for the school yearbook. The latter is actually kind of a nice job, since this year I get to be fully in charge of how the yearbook turns out. I pick the theme, I pick the pictures, I pick the font and backgrounds and everything, and I’m getting some extra credit for all this. It’s also good experience to mention on my skill set if I’m planning to go into Journalism in university. The only truly challenging class I’m taking is AP English Writing and Composition, only it’s an online class, so I feel my obligations aren’t as serious, although technically they are.
I’m honestly such a hypocrite about it. I’m complaining about not having challenging classes, but I assure you that I will bitch and moan just as much if I did have more challenging classes.
Then there’s the fact that I don’t have anybody to talk to. My best friend graduated school last year, and all the European kids left that year. Now I’m left with a group of “directioners” (could a fan base BE named any lamer?) whom I refuse to speak to since they’ve turned into a bunch dis-inclusive, dressing-too-fancy-for-school, talking-only-about-their-obsession girls. My favourite teacher also left. Him and his family relocated to a different school in a different country. I used to talk to him all the time, especially when there was no one else around. He was perhaps the only adult I trusted to talk to for several years.
So yeah. That’s what my issues are. Except for daily homework like math and reading the Literature stories, I haven’t done a single assignment since Thursday. I have several essays and AP assignments that need to be done, except I feel zero guilt about not doing them. I’d like to say I feel terrible, but I don’t. I’ve no motivation to stop watching tv shows and get off my ass and do something productive. Except maybe to cook something. I’ve been cooking a lot this week. I’ve made two batches of banana bread muffins, a big carrot cake, cream of mushroom soup, meringues, and I made lasagne for the whole family for lunch yesterday. And I made pancakes for myself this morning.
I don’t think I have felt this ridiculously unmotivated in a very long time. I refuse to stay up late to do work, because for some reason I just HAVE to be in bed by 11:30. I refuse to wake up early to do things. I don’t want to go to school, so sometimes I would just skip, telling myself I’ll do tons of work at home, except I never do that either. By now you’ve probably gathered that my school does not have a very serious absence policy and that my dad really does not mind me skipping. He’s always been very lax with raising me, and I really appreciate that. I hate being controlled and told what to do.
I want to go out and find some art classes or journalism or photography something, anything, to join, except I keep telling myself that I have too much work to catch up on to allow myself anything else. It’s a terrible cycle. I kind of get the inspiration to do something fun, but then I guilt myself about not doing any homework, so then I’m not motivated to do EITHER thing.
My gym membership is ending at the end of this month, and in the past six months I’ve managed to gain two kilos rather than lose anything. I guess I won’t be signing up again, since it’s so expensive and I feel guilty wasting my father’s money and only going about 20 times in six months. I signed up in the middle of August, and then I believe I stopped going at the beginning of November. I went … once (twice?) before winter break began, but that was way in mid-December.
I think I should go make some greek salad. Which I also love to make. I make that one pretty well.
Off for now,