Midnight Impulse

learning experiences and impulsive decisions


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Mini Resolution: Taking Opportunities

One thing I’ve learnt over the past year is to take opportunities as they come.  No matter big or small, accept to do things when you’re offered.  Obviously, this doesn’t include everything, but when an opportunity pops up and you’re feeling shy and unsure of yourself, this is probably the best time to raise your hand and volunteer, or sign up for this crazy thing.  I’m of the opinion that doing that is so much better than not doing and never failing, yet living in regret over it.  

Last year, I signed up for Track & Field and remained on the team and went on the trip to compete in another country even though I was the person least in shape on the whole team and I was a horrible runner.  A few weeks before the meet, the coach told me a position just opened and I could run the 100 metres if I wanted to.  I did want to, even though I sucked.  My main event was the shot-put throw, and I was confident enough in myself to do that.  I ended up scoring 6th out of 9 on girls’ shot-put, with 6.22 metres as my longest throw.  The run, however, was terrible.

I ran in last at 22 seconds when the three other girls running with me finished at less than 16 seconds.  For anyone who’s ever tried competitive running, especially sprinting, you’d know how bad those six seconds felt.  They were like an eternity.  It’s the worst thing to see everyone pass you by the second the race starts, and to continue watching them finish the race way off in front of you.  You can’t see the crowd around you; you don’t want to see the crowd around you because you’re terrified of comprehending their expressions. In the end, I got a heartfelt (although incredibly cheesy) cheer-up speech from one the kids’ mom who’d come with us on the trip.  She told me that it doesn’t matter what I’d scored and what the others scored, what matters is that I did it.  

And she was right.  Although I still thought it was a typical kind of speech, I’m pretty proud of my achievement.  I joined a sport, stuck with the three-month training programme staying after school for two hours thrice a week, and I competed in something I was terrible at.  

Recently I took the AP Language and Composition exam which I’m surely not gaining anything higher than a 3/5 on.  I doubted myself, and I was nervous, and I probably should’ve practiced way more than I did, but I sat down and wrote three different essays in two hours, plus a multiple choice in another hour.  I get my scores in July and I can’t wait.  

When I look back on the things I did and didn’t do, I regret all the things I didn’t have the guts to do.  I know it’s cliche, but it’s true.  “It’s better to have tried and failed than to live life wondering what would’ve happened if I had tried.”  Even though I didn’t succeed in the things I’d done and I probably ended up embarrassing myself in the process, I’m proud of my achievements (or rather, non-achievements) and I can rest easy knowing I regret none of it.

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Birthday Party

I’ve been putting off writing about how my birthday party went for the past week, so now I’m sitting here and forcing myself to get on with it.

If you’ve read my last post, you’d know that there were 13 people invited to a dinner party at a fancy-ish restaurant for my 17th birthday party.  It was a small get together.  In the end, there were 12 of us since one of the guests left the country.  The food was alright, but the service of the place was bothering me.  The waiters didn’t really have much knowledge of proper food serving, so they brought the salads, then immediately afterwards started piling on the main course. My best friend (also apparently the co-host) was the one who told them to stop and let the guests eat for a few minutes.

The night went alright.  The party was kind of split into two parts: the all-girls table with me, my two best friends with their three best friends; and the second table with the four boys and two other girls.  The second table kept themselves occupied and didn’t really do much until my best friend’s (the one who told the waiters to stop piling food.  Let’s call her Tsunami) friend saw that her phone has run out of money, so the only obvious option was to tell all the boys I’d invited to go off and refill her phone with some money (let’s call her Duchess).

All of a sudden, the four boys whom I’d invited get up and leave off and aren’t seen again for an hour later.  During this time, the rest of us finish eating and sit around basically staring at each other.  During this hour, the girl who’d originally sent the boys away has the audacity to state the fact that she’s bored and asks when the cake will be cut.  We’ll cut the cake when the third of my guests that you sent away comes back.  I had the right to be pissed off right then.  That wasn’t cool of her at all.  Tsunami was pretty mad about it too.  She said she’ll have a talk with the girl because what she did was extremely selfish.

After about 2 glasses of champagne each, the guys came back and we finally cut the cake.  The group disassembled outside the restaurant as five guests left, the Duchess went off to her apartment with, again, the four boys, to keep my presents and cake at her place for the night.  Admittedly, that was very nice of her and I appreciate the fact that she kept my stuff at her house.  My best friend and I remained together and went to a nearby hookah house (ironically, the hookah house is near the actual hooker house).  The Duchess and the four boys rejoined us about a quarter of an hour later.  We stayed at the hookah house for about an hour, until eleven, and then we went home.  I didn’t smoke much.  It doesn’t appeal to me anymore, or rather, it never appealed to me much and I only smoked because others did.  Understand that I don’t mean it was peer pressure, but it was just something I did for the heck of it.

A few days after the party, I finally remembered to ask Tsunami if she’d had the talk with the Duchess.  Tsunami didn’t seem too happy that I’d brought it up, and she was replying in short sentences.  She was pretty frustrated that the Duchess didn’t see her fault in the matter and didn’t get what she did wrong.  Tsunami said she’s just tired of how selfish the Duchess was being and she was also tired of how we’re both so very negative and over-the-top.  She didn’t say this in an insulting manner though, so I didn’t go on the defense.  

In a way, I never really wanted the Duchess to show up anyway since she hadn’t bothered to invite me to her birthday this ear nor to this other important event, but I invited her anyway because it’s a small school and I was inviting all her friends, whom with she’s much closer to than I am.  On the plus side, I’m not obligated to invite her to anything next year since she won’t even be in our school anymore.

Also on the plus side, we finally finished the school yearbook!  We’ve sent the final digital copy to the printing house and will be expecting the shipment to arrive hopefully by next week.

Glad to get that all off my chest.

I hope you all are having a great week 😀

xx, Addie


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17

Yesterday was my birthday.  I finally turned 17.  I don’t feel it yet, though.  

I have to say, I really miss when I was little and actually felt that it’s my birthday or that it’s Christmas.  You wake up in the morning and the air had this special quality and smell to it, but now it feels like just another normal day.  Anyway, I’m pretty content at the moment while hoping that I start actually feeling 17 sometime soon.  I have high hopes for the coming year; I’ve always wanted to be 17.  They always made a big deal about “Sweet Sixteen” and 18 is the age you become an adult, so I always felt that 17 is a perfect in-between age that nobody gave enough attention to.  

I went out to dinner with my family last night and came home to cut my spongebob cake (How cool am I?)  Tonight I’ll be dinning out with a dozen friends or so, so I’m hoping we have a good time and they stay entertained for three hours.  

Meanwhile, I’ll continue to listen to Bastille’s Bad Blood album while playing Plants vs Zombies.

Hope everyone has a great day 😀

xx, Addie

 


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Update

I haven’t written anything for a really long time.  Several things have happened since my last blog post, however none of them were too intriguing.  

I took the SAT test and now I’m waiting to receive my scores on Thursday (tomorrow).  I also took the AP Language and Composition exam and I feel I did terribly on that.  I’ll get to see my scores in July.  I probably scored a 3/5, meaning I won’t be receiving any college credit.  It’s my own fault that I didn’t study for it though. 

Since my best friend has arrived in the country, I’ve only managed to see her 4 times, one of those times being for only 15 minutes.  

Someone from my class hosted a party last weekend, with drinks and hookahs.  I thought it was terribly boring.  One of my friends wasn’t invited; I tried to mention this to the host twice except he said no (or, rather, my other classmates said no to bringing her).  Either way it was a waste of a Saturday to even go.  Student Council held a fundraising event on Friday, except that was a huge failure as well.

Several teachers from my school have up and sent in their resignation letters.  So far, 2 have left abruptly before the end of the school year, and another has decided she won’t be coming back to teach us next year.  There seem to be problems with the school administration as well as the community of parents.  This year, there’s an overwhelming sense of apathy that student have towards school: we don’t do our work on time, we aren’t motivated to study, and we haven’t bothered to maintain school-wide Student Council events.  Several of my schoolmates believe this has to do with the new principal being poor at keeping everyone in check.  One of the teachers who’d abruptly quit sent an email out this morning to, I believe, students only, disclosing the reasons for his abrupt resignation.  I maintain my earlier opinion, believing that he’s just being immature.  There’s only about 4 weeks left in the school year, and as a teacher, whether you hate the administration or not, should just suck it up and make sure not to create so many problems for your students.  He had several seniors relying on him to graduate this year, and the school has thankfully found a replacement for now.  It’s very unfair for your students’ grades to suffer because you couldn’t stand a mere 30 days working under an “indecisive administration.”  

My house is going under reconstruction.  There are workers tearing down the tiles on the first floor and redoing the whole thing.  The house is thus in a chaotic, dusty, and messy state and I have nowhere to do my schoolwork.  I hate having to be in my room the whole day because it’s depressing and always messy, so I have to sit on my bed to do work because the desk has stacks of magazines and books on it.  

I’m staying home from school today “to do work.”  I am now waiting to start doing said work.  

Anyway, I’m glad I finally wrote something here.  The guilt’s been eating me inside out.

Love,

Addie 


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Lucky Charm

Friday was the last big test I have to do this year!  I’m so excited it’s all finally (almost) over.  I’m done with the SAT and the AP Language and Composition exams, and now I can finally stop chastising myself for not studying (bad bad Addie, I know).  Now all that I have to do is finish a 3500 word research project, read a novel for said research project, make a PPT, finish a bunch of missing work for my AP class, and redo 3 tests.  Here goes the last month of junior year.  

On a happier note, my best friend is back in town!  She graduated high school last year and is now studying in Canada, but now she’s back here for the whole summer.  It’s weird, I feel like she was never even gone.  It feels perfectly normal to be lazying around her house all day, eating half our weight in takeout and sweets and watching a movie, then being forced to walk the dog by her mom.  

Also, the greatest thing happened: she found my lucky bracelet.  I thought I’d lost it in the airplane on the way back home from visiting her in Canada in October, but apparently I’d merely left it in her house.  We were in her room and she grabs it off a tabletop and goes, “Oh yeah, I’ve been wearing this everyday since you left, but here, you can have it back now.”

 To which I was absolutely ecstatic.  “OH MY GOD I NEVER LOST IT!  And yeah no kidding I can have it back, it’s MY lucky bracelet.”  

“Yeah well that’s the thing.  At this point it’s MY lucky bracelet too …”  

 

Anyway, I’m in a really great mood.  In one day I got both my best friend and my lucky charm back.  Coincidence?  I think not.