I just received a notification letting me know my blog turned a year old! Hah wow I didn’t even realise this. How exciting though.
Perhaps this is a good time to reflect on the past year. I can honestly say I am much more at peace with myself and others now than I have ever been before. I talk to people around school and have no grudges on anyone. My relationship with my mom has never been better–although perhaps it’s still not as on-par as some other girls have it, but it’s something. I’m a much less jealous person than I used to be; I haven’t been allowing the little things to get to me as much (or is it because there haven’t been as many little things to get to me lately?)
I feel less angry than I used to. I’m more nervous about university now than I was last year. It’s weird, all these years they’re preparing you and you keep telling yourself that you’ll start applying senior year senior year senior year and all of a sudden it’s SENIOR YEAR and it’s finally your time to apply and it’s crazy because it feels like you started first grade just a few years ago … and just a few years ago you dreamed of becoming an astronaut and an anthropologist … and just a few years ago you started off in a new school barely able to speak the language, and again the next year, and again the next year and middle school graduation and the first day of high school and your first tequila and your first crazy adventure and the first time you become conscious and aware of yourself and you decide to be better and less stupid and now you’re writing a blog commemorating your first blog post! I’m happy to say I’ve got quite a few of my own opinions by now. However, I realised that most people don’t care to hear them. All the better–I don’t want to bore or offend anyone. I think them through over and over again till I figure out every last detail and end up changing my opinion a bit. It’s interesting, being a more introverted person: you notice more things and you make better judgements. A self-observer. Yes! I like that description quite well 🙂
Back to growing up.
It’s crazy. But it happens. And you grow. And you change and you become a better you each year (hopefully). You do your stupid shit and you learn from it and you won’t do the same stupid shit again (hopefully). You begin to see yourself in a new light and well … you might not like what you see. But it’s fixable. There’s still time. And as the first thing I ever posted said, “I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice; had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes.”
― Edna St. Vincent Millay
I’ve made my mistakes and I’ve come to terms with them. How about you?