School started today. After having spent basically the entire break daydreaming about a certain someone, seeing him today for the first time reminded me that he’s a real person. It’s a strange feeling, but it kind of hit me how he isn’t who I’m imagining, that he wouldn’t do or say the things I make him say in my head. All this, however, came after I had to resist every urge in my body not to walk up and kiss him on the cheek. WEIRDEST. FEELING. EVER. It felt like the natural thing to do! I wanted to walk up and greet him with a kiss on the cheek because he just looked so pretty that I could barely resist. But I did. I have no intentions of starting the second semester off with something that weird.
On some level I feel guilty thinking about his so much. Isn’t it strange how you could think and think of a person and they’ll never even know it? You can obsess over them. You can wake up and go to bed thinking about that single being, imagine a whole life and a million scenarios with them … and they will have absolutely no idea what’s going on in your head.
I guess I feel bad thinking about him the way I do–he’s not mine. He belongs to someone else at the moment. And he can’t be mine. If I was older or he was younger or if I was thinner at least. *Sigh*. My chest heaves when I hear his footsteps clacking loudly down the hall. Making eye contact with him makes me nervous. I am always suddenly and horrifyingly aware of how awkward I look just standing there, not knowing what to do with my hands, when he’s speaking to me. I hang on his every word. Today my hand brushed up against his and I noticed he has dry skin. I’ve got some infatuation going on. At the same time, I am not the least bit jealous of his girlfriend. They make the cutest couple, and he’s always genuinely happy when he speaks about her.
Some days I wish I could be with him, others I want to just get to know him. To unearth him and know all his opinions. Every day, however, I wish him and his love interest (as he calls her) to have a wonderful future together.